Hawkers sell themselves to move cut-price merchandise

Image: Google Images

Accustomed to having doors slammed in their faces, hawkers are being left out in the cold in the current world economic climate. Inflammatory door signs, rabid pets and automatic sprinkler systems have proved no match against the tenacious door-to-door salesman, however, a force much greater has seen their dogged approach halted. Challenged by adversity, an alarming new trend has emerged of salesmen resorting to cheap and tawdry techniques to entice the stay-at-home consumer. The result is 'shirtless sales', now a staple for the purveyors of economical stationery around the every-important 'back to school' period.

Due to the internet revolution of free websites such as Wikipedia, many information-seekers are turning online for the answers they seek. This creates a paradoxical phenomenon: once the household prerequisite of yore, flagging sales of the print version of Encyclopaedia Britannica have seen it become a dust-collector; much to the consternation of many a housewife unable to purchase Magic Duster® refills without travelling salesmen.

Consequently, the declining sales figures have seen the self-esteem of many salesmen plummet to bargain basement levels. "I was getting out of bed at 7am, depressed as I got dressed every morning. Just the mere thought of putting on a shirt was near impossible," says instigator of the movement, Adam Fuller, an Ab-Rocker™ salesman and self-proclaimed fitness fanatic. "When I realised that I didn't have to put a shirt on, that's when my whole outlook changed."

Fuller's renegade tactic saw him treble the units of Ab-Rocker™s sold and received 43% more percolated coffee than instant from housewives who had invited him into their homes. "I can't believe the effect the simple act of not wearing a shirt has had on my business," Fuller says. "I'm making money, looking great and feeling terrific."

The bare-fleshed approach, although popular among homemakers has its detractors. The Cancer Council of Australia has issued a warning against the practice citing that such activity has proved dangerous by similar shirtless trades such as the construction and daytime exotic dancing industries. National depression initiative, beyondblue acknowledges that Vitamin D is beneficial in the prevention of depression, however takes the same stance as the Cancer Council.

Not only concerning the governing health bodies, the backlash to the trend is widespread. The torso-proud contingent has bewildered local business owners whose 'No shirt, no service' policy has come into question when the suburban cowboy clientele frequents their happy hours. "I don't know what to think," says Larry Richardson, proprietor of The Owl and Shamrock Hotel, "I know they're not wearing a shirt, but they're wearing a tie – it's all very confusing."

Some have not been so lucky. Beverley Watson is known as the local Avon lady in the Lower Templestowe area. Unfortunately for the 73-year-old grandmother, becoming a topless door-to-door salesperson saw her admitted to the Alfred Hospital Burns Unit with second-degree burns after she took to demonstrating the George Foreman grill as a way of making ends meet. She is now recuperating at home but unable to hug her grandchildren or do the crossword puzzle.

Is this a lasting fad or will it spread into the wider community? The Truffe asked the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints if it was something that their missionaries would consider adopting into their strategy. "Don't be ridiculous," says senior Church member, Joseph Kerr. "This display contravenes everything we believe in the Mormon faith. Besides, where would the elders pin their name badges if they're not wearing a shirt?'

Thank you to Simone P for sending the image.