Byron Bay resorts hire iguanas to draw GFC tourist dollar

Image: Kim Wearne

Several of Byron Bay’s top health resorts have employed the services of webbed footmen in an attempt to draw holiday-makers from around the globe to the already popular eco-tourism destination. “Byron Bay is rife with iguanas, you see,” Doris Cleechman, Byron Bay Mayor, told The Truffe. “People love the iguanas, but don’t like it when they step on their faces while they’re sleeping. So, in an attempt to get them out of hotel rooms and into the workforce, we devised a council grant-scheme for local hoteliers to hire and train the iguanas. This way, visitors to the Bay can get even closer to nature, whilst having it at their service 24-hours a day.”

As Marnie Skittles, owner of Chakrayana Spa Resort, explained, “Iguanas are very efficient footmen. In fact, they’re better at carrying fruit platters than our human wait staff are – mostly because of their spiny backs. In that department, humans are way behind. So far behind in fact that, off the record, we’re thinking of doing a switcheroo. Please don’t print that. It was off the record.”

A month into the project, most tourists remain indifferent to the reptilian footmen, but some have expressed concerns. Stuart Eer of Flemington, a guest at Chakrayana resort, cruelly called the iguanas “dirty”. “It’s not right,” the 38-year-old restaurateur said. “It’s downright unhygienic. My kiwi fruit had a fly in it. They don’t have to wash or wear gloves when they handle food, these iguanas. It’s like there’s one rule for everyone else and another rule for them. Now, you tell me how that’s fair.”

It remains to be seen whether the new scheme will curb the Bay’s iguana problem, but Skittles assures us she won’t be taking the iguanas off duty any time soon. “I don't have to explain myself to you if I don't want, you're not my mum," she said. "But look, when it comes down to it, iguanas produce less waste than human waiters, they’re friendlier and they’re easier to breed. You don’t even need a license. Plus, if any of the eggs don’t hatch, you can eat them. The eggs, I mean. Then again, some of our guests have been known to ask for iguana ribs in the early hours of the morning. Of course, that's a difficult choice to make when you've become attached to all of them, but in the end someone has to get the chop and it's usually the iguana that's had the least drink orders that week. The nature of the industry, I'm afraid.”

To celebrate Reptile Awareness Week, The Truffe has a Chakrayana gift pack containing six iguana eggs valued at $14 each to give away. Simply send your credit card to 12/456 St Kilda Road, Melbourne, Victoria 3006 by close of business tomorrow to be in the running.